Spending time with Jesus

This nightmare can’t even be real. I woke up at 3 AM and now I can’t sleep. Ellie leaves for Pittsburgh in three hours. She stopped her feeds and hasn’t had any nutrition or  fluids in over 12 hours because the pain is excruciating.  She hasn’t been well enough to take her anxiety medicine so her anxiety is lingering now on top of everything else. Her illnesses are not common and tricky to navigate so it’s a lot of me advocating and insisting the doctor help her. My daughter is literally starving, can’t regulate her body temperature, is so weak she can barely stand upright, and is in constant pain.  I am terrified she’s going to die. I have never felt so helpless in my life. 

Someone asked me last night who her friends are. “She doesn’t have any “ I told him. Eveyone has moved on and left her in the dust. It’s so sad. 

Last night, a friend from church came over. He brought Ellie a gift from he and his wife and brought some soup and bread. He prayed with us while he was here. Ellie smiled. It’s the first time I’ve seen her smile in days. She hasn’t been well enough to go to church the last few weeks so I know this encouraged her. 

I want to be positive and post encouraging  Bible verses right now. But I am just broken. I want my daughter back. The daughter who was excelling in cosmetology school. The daughter who eagerly dressed up for school dances. The daughter who had sleepovers with friends. 

I am sobbing as I type this. I feel guilty I can’t be there in Pittsburgh with her. This procedure will place a line to her heart. It’s not without risk. Then I think of how capable Mike is. Ellie and Mike have a special bond. I pray God blesses their time together this week. I stopped at Aldi and bought him two big bags of snacks  for the trip. Then I did all of his laundry and folded it so he could pack. He usually does his own laundry, but it was my way of caring for him. 

Most days I can be positive and I am able to distract myself. Right now I am not feeling that way. 

I am ending this blog post with a prayer. I know He is always there and in the quiet morning hours I want to spend time with Jesus. 

Dear Heavenly Father,

I lift Ellie up to you right now. Lord, I pray for complete healing for her. I ask that you provide safe travel for Ellie and Mike as they head to Pittsburgh this morning. Please work through the doctors to provide nourishment and fluids to Ellie. Help our trials be used to glorify you, Father. Lord, I also pray you would be with Mike. Give him patience and wisdom this week in dealing with a stressful situation. Please also give me strength to get through this week, Jesus. Protect my precious daughter and heal her, Lord. 

Amen