Three years later

 

This is me. This is me three years ago. This is the day that life would never  be the same. This is the day we dropped 14 year old , almost 15 year old, Ellie off in Illinois at a residential eating disorder clinic. The so called “expert” told me to. I wish I had never listened to her.  I will never , ever forget my screams as Mike and I left the building and went to the car. My legs weren’t holding me up. The screams I let out were guttural. I am sure they echoed down the street. Mike had to hold me up to get me to the car. I had already been through so much in life. A first marriage to an abusive and mentally ill man, helping my kids when they were abandoned, putting my home back together after it was destroyed by that same mentally ill man.  But none of that prior trauma  even compared to having to drop my baby girl off hours away and into the hands of complete strangers. 

What I know now is that Ellie’s eating disorder wasn’t just that. She had a whole host of other chronic illnesses that we had yet to discover. What I didn’t know that day is that three years later , while we would have her home with us , she’d be hooked up to a bag for nutrition, hardly able to leave the house, and barely living life. It’s heartbreaking. 

Doctors would just keep prescribing unnecessary medications, and then finally write her off as mentally ill. I was started to wonder myself. But Ellie Grace , if nothing else,  is very persistent and we finally  found some answers. 

Over the past three years, Ellie pretty much missed all of high school, had to quit cosmetology school, lost every single friend, has suffered with debilitating pain, has been made to feel stupid by doctors, never got a drivers license , and couldn’t get a job. Our lives have revolved around Ellie’s food, eating schedules , and now medical equipment and schedules. It has been A LOT. 

But you know what? Jesus has walked with us through it all. When I look at this picture from three years ago,  I see a woman who was just trying to fix everything on her own. A woman with little faith. God has used these three years to grow now only my faith, but Ellie’s as well. When all of Ellie’s friends moved on, Jesus did not. 

We have received blessing after blessing from those around us. I know that it  is Jesus working through them. Meals have been dropped off , financial contributions , people simply asking how Ellie is , my mom driving Ellie to all of her medical appointments, this is all through Jesus! 

We still have hard days. I still cry sometimes. But through it all, we have the promise that Jesus gave us. I take great comfort in reading this passage from scripture:

1 Peter 1:3-9

Born Again to a Living Hope

[3] Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, [4] to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, [5] who by God’s power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. [6] In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, [7] so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. [8] Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, [9] obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

I pray that if you get one thing out of reading this blog , it is that you can see Jesus through our story.